Adopted
by obvious things are obvious
Summary: "Alfred, Matthew, you are both adopted." "Well, duh, Dad, I mean, there's no way we've gotten out of your butt. That's just gross and we'd never fit anyway." In which Arthur decides to tell his sons the truth, only to discover in what way it was told to them by that blasted frog.


A/N:

Hi~ It's been a long, long time since I've posted anything and this is just my second fic for the APH fandom (well the second one I've posted here anyway) and my first attempt at FACE family! So yeah, I hope you guys enjoy it. :) Anyhow, I'm really, really devastated at the mass deletion of fics that happened (or probably still going on). Hopefully a lot of those fics will be back because I want all the USCan goodness back, dammit. OTL So enough of the rant, enjoy!

Disclaimer_: _I don't own Hetalia. I only own my own random (and most of the time perverted) imagination.

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**Adopted**

_(also known as how Francis pissed Arthur yet again for being a bloody pervert)_

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"Alfred, Matthew, I want to tell you something," Arthur said seriously one dinner time when it was just the three of them and the twins had to _endure_ (as the other members of the household agreed to whenever Arthur _attempted _to cook for them) his cooking while Francis stayed overtime at his work.

Matthew, always the proper one, immediately placed his utensils down and gave Arthur a look of most apt attention and Alfred, a fact that surprised even Arthur himself, looked eager to listen to him as well. Of course, that was probably just to delay the inevitable suffering of eating Arthur's cooking. Or at least, that's what Alfred's reason for the most part.

"I'm really, very sorry that I only got to telling you this now. And I know that I should wait for Francis to be here but I can't take it anymore," Arthur said with utmost seriousness as he looked like he was struggling for words and he probably was. Taking in a deep breath, he continued on, "Alfred, Matthew, you are both adopted," he said as his breath stopped as he waited for his sons' reactions.

Matthew only looked mildly surprised before sighing in relief as if he was expecting Arthur to say something worse while Alfred looked at Arthur as if he had grown a second head before snorting.

"Well, duh, Dad, I mean, there's no way we've gotten out of your butt. That's just gross and we'd never fit anyway," Alfred said in a matter-of-factly tone before poking at his so called dinner once again as Matthew let out a scandalized "Al!" while Arthur blanched not only at the reactions of his two sons seated in front of him but also at how crude and disrespectful Alfred had put it.

"What?" Alfred said as he looked at Matthew who was still looking scandalized at what his idiotic and tactless brother had said. "I mean, Papa said so himself. There's no way that Dad's 'cute little _derriere_ would ever be able to fit us in (or push us out) no matter how warm and good it felt inside'!" he continued on proud of the fact that he still remembered what Francis had said to them back then. It probably made Alfred's poor little head hurt a bit for remembering that many words, too.

"But Al! Papa told us not to tell it to Dad like that!" Matthew said, still looking embarrassed and mortified and probably wishing that the ground would just swallow him down from how tactless his brother was and how perverted their papa was.

It was during this that Arthur recovered from the shock and demanded, "When the bloody hell did your sodding father tell you this?" he said as his red continued to turn redder not only from embarrassment of what the bloody frog had said to corrupt their sons but also from anger at how he had corrupted their sweet, innocent children.

"I think we were eight back then," Alfred said, totally unaware of how angry Arthur had become or how mortified Matthew was at that moment. He was still busy poking his dinner as if it would suddenly move and kill him, which it probably might do, at least the killing part, if it was eaten.

"Eight?" Arthur screeched as he got even more scandalized and enraged at what kind of things his bloody perverted husband was telling his sweet, innocent sons to corrupt their poor minds. Although, that may only be in the case of Matthew as Alfred already knew his way _all around _the internet even though he was just 12. It was probably Francis' fault too, the bloody pervert.

"Dad! Don't listen to him! We were 10!" Matthew cried as loud as his voice could carry him, which actually wasn't that loud, but at least the poor boy tried. And as if that really improved the situation. Too bad, though, Arthur was already too lost in his rage and shock to pay attention to the poor boy.

And just as Matthew was about to hit his head on the table repeatedly from mortification and embarrassment, Alfred continued on poking his dinner to no avail and Arthur continued seething in rage, they heard the door open and a voice calling out to them.

"I'm home, _mon petit lapin_, _mes petites anges~!_" the voice said and it only made Arthur seethe in rage even more at how shameful the bloody frog was being and he stood up and walked to see the frog, leaving Matthew and Alfred alone on the dinner table.

"_You blasted perverted_ _frog_! What in blazes were you _thinking _saying those kinds of _bloody perverted things _to our sons!" Arthur screamed at Francis, which was probably all throughout the neighborhood.

"_Mon petit lapin_, I do not understand what you're talking about," Francis said uneasily as heard from the doorway.

"You _bloody know _what I'm talking about!" Arthur continued shouting in rage at his clueless husband as Matthew continued looking mortified with this head now settled on the table while Alfred tip-toed to look at the ruckus that now moved to the living room before opening the fridge and taking out the only half-way eaten cake baked by their papa.

Matthew threw an exasperated look at Alfred before sitting up and eyeing the cake. "You did that just so we won't have to eat Dad's cooking, huh?" he asked a couple of seconds after as Alfred started to eat a slice of the cake.

"Probably," Alfred replied with his mouth full, some crumbs falling out of his mouth as he spoke, making Matthew cringe a bit.

"You're mean," Matthew said, giving his brother a dirty look before taking a slice of the cake as well.

"Well would you like to continue eating Dad's cooking?" Alfred asked as he finished up his slice and took another one.

"No," Matthew said immediately as he continued on eating his cake as well, not paying any more attention to the shouting in the living room as Francis got an earful from an enraged Arthur, which probably resulted to him being banished to the couch for the next month.

And thus another day went on at the Kirkland-Bonnefoy household, with Arthur's blood pressure rising higher and higher, Francis taking the brunt for being a pervert, Alfred doing anything just to escape from eating their dad's cooking and Matthew going with all the craziness anyway.

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_derriere - (French) butt_

_mon petit lapin - (French) my little bunny_

_mes petites anges - (French) my little angels_

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A/N:

Sorry if the French is wrong, please inform me so I can edit it and stuff. Also, it's really weird how I've completely pulled this out of my butt when I can't even write that USCan goodness that I want to write. OTL And sorry if any of the characters are OOC, this is the first time I've written them. And for those who want to know, the NA bros are about 12 in this one while Arthur is 38 and Francis is 39, so there. I hope you guys enjoyed! :)


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